i can’t help but let my fingers roam away.   my mind doesn’t want to stop tonight, there is a little pot left downstairs on the table, but i can’t bring myself to go get it.  i have to piss too, have for a while but still no motivation.  somethings gotta change.  it seems to be getting worse.  the days get shorter and the time flies when you think you have it, and when you don’t have it and your working or something like that you really start to think of all the things you would love to get done, but by time you get home and and have free time those things rarely get done.  so what has to change to make this different? to live a more maximized life, a life of comfort and pleasure in the simple duties of staying clean and organized.  i seem to get sucked into my own little world and let things dwell inside my head and find ways of escaping the reality that i am a grown ass man who needs to start saving for a future if i ever want to have kids.  its hard tho, I’m so used to living the easy life, and as much as everything else sounds appealing. it doesn’t make me go full force yet.  but I’m on my way. little by little. my fingers are starting to stop, whig is a good thing i guess, i thought i was going to be ranting for much longer, but i guess i just had a little on my mind.  ilona is sleeping. it was a weird night. i can’t sleep and my head hurts probably from dehydration.  hmm… i guess i should go drink some water.