It’s time. I’m giving in. It’s harder to live the bullshit I’m living then just give in to what the universe has in store for me. I weighed in at 248 lbs the other day. I eat sweets everyday. The stress would kill me if I let it. I’m done with it all. I’m done with food being cheap and shitty and full of shit and sugar. I’m done drinking to feel alive. I’m don’t threatening my daughter that I will sleep on the couch just because I want her to sleep faster. She’s just a little girl. I want to be better to her and myself. It starts now.

There are some big things coming. I have been working hard to make some much needed changes. And starting I see and feel the repercussions of that hard work. And can’t wait for what’s next!

I am really starting a whole new life. again.

and this time i am really giving it a good go.

puting forth my best effort to be a great Dad, Husband, human being.

I havent been the best friend to many hence why I don’t have many friends.

My wife is one of my true friends. I have a few still but. they are disintegrating..

So I’ll continue to take any luck I can get as we enter the next stage as our family has grown.

Zelda is about 7 1/2 years old as I write this. She has been nothing but a blessing and and I am grateful everyday.. I literally relish with her everyday.. I usually plop myself down on the beanbag with her at some point most days and hug her and remind her of all our good times, and tell her how much I love her.. Because it is true. I really do love her.. like many people have said before mans best friend… no joke. Most loyal ever. I have had many friends come and go… Thank you Zelda. I hope you live super long. I owe you a backpacking trip. I think you would like it. Hope to update with that trip in the future. To another day!

So this looks interesting.. I wonder how it works… life is flying by.. I finally quit the green. if you know what I mean.. dads. dead. been like 3 years now. I have two kids. Rumi Sea, and now Wendell Fin came like a week ago.. life is good. much different then the last time I posted in 2018.. but now I’m excited to say I am a DAD. I have two dogs too.. didn’t even have Zelda in the last post shit! got a lot of catching up to do..

And I’m excited about what’s next…

Here are a few of my recent memories..

Sometimes you get dealt a good hand. My dad struggled with alcholism for years. But everyone loved him. He never really knew how to get a grip on his mental, something I still struggle with to this day. I have always cherished my dad. I am writing this post a few years after he died, but will post it with his date of departure for my own OCD. Pops was a good dude. He really did provide a good base for the fam. If he only believed in himself more he would have gotten more out of life… I saw some sprinkles of that possibility, they fell flat, but I’m not mad at him for that. He did better then his dad, and I’m trying to be better then mine.. I guess that is the circle of life if done right. So props to you Pops, for giving me this life and having a lot of fun. I miss you everyday, and wish you could have met my kids. Wendell is just over a week old as I write this. I love you always, and miss you. Take care ol Man.. RIP

one step forward and two steps back.

then a giant leap and tumble down a soft sponge endless downhill ride.  weeeeeeee